Tearing Down is Mindless, but Building Up Takes Work

A few years ago, I had the glorious "opportunity" to tear my house apart...literally!  We had some issues with our flooring that necessitated ripping out the entire downstairs area, right down to the studs.  Nail by nail, board by board, we ripped and sawed, tore and removed, ached and hurt all over.  But with the help of some wonderful friends, we finally accomplished our task and got the house put back together.   

I actually ENJOYED demolition.  Yes, it was a lot of work, but it was also mindless.  I could go in, grab a hammer and start hacking away at the flooring, not bothering to think about the damage that was being done.  Nails could be bent.  Boards could be broken, and all the while, I could think about something totally different.  Yes, it was tiring and incredibly exhausting, but euphorically mindless.
  
However, when we started putting the house back together, my endless thoughts and mental wanderings were no longer a luxury I could afford.  Mindlessness became dangerous.  Boards had to be cut with precision.  Each nail had its place.  Every angle had to fit perfectly with it's counterpart.  Mindlessness would have meant ruin...or at least a really rough-looking downstairs area.  

To me, rebuilding was so much harder.  The physically demanding labor wasn't as difficult as in demolition, but there was definitely more mental work that had to take place...at least on my part. 


So, when I read Proverbs 14:1 which says, "Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands," I had a new perspective on what it meant.   

Tearing down is mindless.  Building up is work. 

In my mind, the foolish woman rushes in, and in her anger, responds to her children and her husband with no thought of the consequences.  She berates them and disrespects them.  She treats them like they are no more than mere inconveniences in her day. 

The foolish woman chooses to complain and gripe when things don't go her way.  She gets irritated and SAYS SO when the things that she has planned are interrupted. 

The foolish woman chooses to pick up her cell phone or play games on her computer, rather than attending to the needs of her family, not ever realizing that her children and her husband are drifting further and further away...   

...for tearing down is mindless.  Building up takes work. 

The wise woman, on the other hand, responds to her building anger with patience.  She holds her tongue, when she has the overwhelming desire to fight back or argue.  Her answers are gentle and do not provoke.  Her encouraging words to her kids and husband are frequent and aptly spoken. 

The wise woman chooses NOT to complain and gripe, but chooses to think of ways to fix problems and help others learn how to fix them, as well.  She makes an effort to keep from degrading her husband and children with her hurtful words.  She chooses thankfulness and gratitude, when what she feels is grumpiness and irritability.  

The wise woman chooses to limit her phone and computer usage.  She chooses to NOT use it as an escape from the reality of her house that needs cleaning or her kids that need dinner.  Phone time and computer time become a privilege, instead of a priority...

...for tearing down is mindless.  Building up takes work.  

I would LOVE to say that I always exhibit the wise woman in my relationships with my kids and my husband.  I would LOVE to say that I never get frustrated with my family and the things in my house!  I would LOVE to say that I have never used my computer as an escape from a dirty kitchen.  I would LOVE to say that I have always built my home, instead of tearing it down, but I can't.  

But what I can say, is that with God's grace and mercy and ever-presentness in my life, I am choosing to rest in His ability to make me that wise woman.  I am choosing to see that too often I get lulled into the ordinary and don't realize the damage - the tearing down - I'm doing to my home and my family.  With His leading, I am choosing to NOT to become too familiar with my kids and husband and forget what incredible gifts they are.  With God's help, I am choosing to NOT forget the responsibilities I have been given to love them actively. 

Maybe you can relate.  Maybe just today you find yourself tearing down instead of building up.  Can I just tell you  - there is hope.  This vicious cycle does not have to consume your life.  You CAN be the wise woman.  You CAN cement your relationship with your kids and your husband back together.  You CAN choose to build up, rather than tear down.  

How?  Well, first and foremost, you go to God and ask Him for forgiveness.  Confess to Him your inability to do this on your own.  Ask Him to help you control your tongue and be patient with your words.  Ask Him to guard your mouth and your time...to put a door over your lips and your cell phone case.  

Secondly, you make it right with your family, if need be.  Apologize for the hurtful words and the lack of loving attention you have given.  Ask your kids - and your husband - to pray for you.  Yes, I said ask your kids to pray for you!  You'd be surprised how this works!  

And then thirdly, don't be lazy.  Don't just "allow" life to happen.  Don't be content to be mindless, but be intentional about what you do and say.  Be a builder...for tearing down is mindless, but building up takes work.

Dearest Jesus, help me with this today.  I want to be wise.  I want to build, Jesus.  I want to build.  Thank You that You want me to build, as well.  I love You, Jesus.